Tuesday, June 30, 2009


Kris and I just got back from buying our flowers for the wedding. We're using silk flowers since (a) they're eco-friendlier than cut flowers, (b) they'll last longer, and (c) I, unfortunately, have a black thumb and would surely kill any real flowers we bought. Also (d) cut flowers of the real variety are also of the out-of-our-budget variety (mucho dollahs).

Anyway, there's this great little place off 101 in Bedford called the Grenon Trading Company (I wish they had a website, or I'd post it) that has the most realistic silk flowers I've ever seen. and it's a little mom and pop place (we've been trying our best to stay away from big corporate vendors), and most importantly, they were having a 50% off sale, which is why I wanted to get them now.

This means we just bought our centerpiece flowers, my bouquet flowers, our female best-person's bouquet flowers (we have three best-persons shared among Kris and I - two male [my brother Robert and her brother Shawn] and one female [our friend Leah, who is also making our dresses]), flowers for boutonnieres and hair-twinings, and some flowers that will get worked into the book Kris wants to hold in lieu of a bouquet. Also the bubbles and a nice pen for the guest book, ribbon and floral tape and pins for wrapping bouquets, and some little lady bugs for the centerpieces.

All for $100.

True story.

I'm so thrilled. The flowers themselves are gorgeous - black-eyed susans, dasies, red garden anemones, lilly of the valley, little blue and purple flowers that I don't know the name of (did I mention my black thumb?), these green poofy things... They're lovely and I really can't get over how real they look. And seriously? I've seen bridal bouquets alone go for more than a hundred bucks, so I'm feeling great about this. Wildflowers.

I am a happy happy girl right now.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Freeze and Its Melt

Things have been super busy around here: My mom and sister, Kris and I have all moved into a new house together, which is wonderful, but insanely hectic. The place is gorgeous and so much more comfortable than where we were. So a lot of our time has been spent packing and unpacking and settling and Putting Things Away.

The thing that I have been coming up against, though, is that now that things are settling and I have the ability to buy the things we need for the wedding and everything is finally Okay To Go, I feel a little frozen. It's a little terrifying to actually go out and buy all these things that we've been brainstorming and bargain-hunting and day-dreaming and planning about. Part of me keeps thinking, "But this is so frivolous," and then there's the other part saying, "But this is your WEDDING. It's okay."

And I often wrestle with which one to listen to.

This freeze feeling has been giving me nightmares: Kris and I wake up to see that it's October 17th and we still haven't done anything further! I have ruined things by putting it off too much- the Freeze has ruined it and it's all my fault! We still haven't gotten the catering lined up! We arrive and our guests demand cake and we just don't have it! Oh the drama! The damage that Lack Of Cake causes!

But then I wake up and see her sleeping next to me, and I think of all the people we love who will be there, and I remember that it doesn't really matter. (What the heck, sleep-brain? Get over it.)

I think what it comes down to is that this is maybe frivolous because it's not the bare essentials, but the things Kris and I are looking at and, well, attempting to get up the guts to buy, will make us happy, and hopefully, make our guests (read: family, read: friends, read: love) happy, too. It's not like we're looking at lavish chandeliers and caviar and $80/bottle wine. (Not that there's anything wrong with that if it's what you want and it's in your budget and it's right for you- it's just not US.) But I've gotten so used to being terribly thrifty that it feels odd, not to mention scary, to actually click that "check out" button on Etsy for a fascinator (I did, by the way, and now Kris has the most gorgeous cluster of feathers for her hair. It was worth it, by far, and it feels good to know we're supporting a fellow artist with the purchase) or to bring those centerpiece details to the check out counter (I started that too, after much hemming and hawing and anxiety and now we have a lovely [if tiny thus far- baby steps, after all] pile of decorations started in the corner of our room, and I don't regret it one bit- they're perfect).

In the meantime, I've been trying to re-see the stuff we already have, and that's been helping a lot too. I mean, the stuff we have to buy new we've been trying to buy from small businesses and independent artsists, and from as organic and green vendors as possible within our budget. And that's great. But it's even nicer to realize that we have things that just need a little altering to make them go from great to perfect. And that's a great feeling.

For instance, when we were unpacking into the new house, my mom found a couple of beautiful old area rugs from Romania (they were my father's) that, with a little cleaning, would make a perfect dance floor. I had toyed with the idea of throw rugs on the grass as an interesting image, especially with the steampunk theme and the Victorian atmosphere, but rugs are so expensive that I chalked it up to a nice idea and just that. But it was such a great feeling to realize it was right under my nose, once I got my nose out of the Wedding Industry and back into my Life.

I think there's so much hype around the wedding industry to BUY BUY BUY and everything has to be NEW NEW NEW and BLING and Perfect with a capital P. And, never having planned something like this before, it's easy to get convinced and sucked in and that's where I start to feel all icky and uncomfortable. It stops feeling like us, and starts feeling like what they want us to be. But then things like finding that rug happen. And it feels good to know that we're re-using and re-seeing and re-inventing, and when we can't, Kris and I are supporting other independent artists like us.

And the most important thing, in the end, is the woman I'll be standing there with, and the people and the community we'll be surrounded by and the love that'll infuse the whole event. So, in the end, if those centerpieces aren't Perfect, well then. That's okay.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Here come the bride(s)?

Hello all! This is the local other half of that lovely lady who has been keeping up this blog. I figure it's about time I weigh in on here. So here I go.

Although we have been engaged for over 4 years now, it never really crossed my mind until we set the date that I was going to be a bride. I am told it is normal to have a bit of an identity shock--being a bride is that culturally loaded.

I knew that were I set to the task of coordinating linens with our matching wedding colors, or rather the task of discerning whether or not our colors matched at all, I would fail. If left to my own devices, I would walk out to greet the day wearing fuchsia stripes and chartreuse polka dots--not out of any avant garde fashion statement, just general and sincere inability to see what exactly the difference is between matching and clashing. So help me, if one of two articles of clothing covers your top half and the second covers the bottom, that should constitute a matching outfit! Though I have been many times over informed that this is not so. But I digress.

When it comes down to it, I don't consider myself a bride. I just don't fit into that role in my head and don't feel a need to fit into it. Did that, in turn, make me a groom? If either of us is the groom, it's certainly me. I considered this for a while and even picked up a wedding planner for grooms while M poured over a stack of tomes for bridal success. By the time I had bypassed the section on pre-nups and got to the chapter on bachelor party strippers, I decided I was by no means a groom. Anyway that didn't make sense for us as a couple. We're a little too nontraditional to have a bride and a groom combo. And I don't really think I'm politically correct enough to be a "partner."

I was musing on this for a while when I remembered being a little kid and hearing the term "bridegroom." Or bride/groom as I heard it. The first thing that had come to my mind then was that a bridegroom was someone who wasn't a bride or a groom, but was something in the middle. Someone who was both.

So that's what we've settled on as our designations. We're a bride and a bride/groom. And that seems to work out perfectly for us.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Kris and I have been busy with moving (we're living in the land of boxes right now, but soon we shall leave our cardboard kingdom for a house of siding and real walls.) so I haven't gotten a chance to really update all the progress we've made. There's been a lot, and it's super exciting, and since we've pretty much packed everything we can for now that doesn't include stuff like toothbrushes and clothing, I think I'll take the chance.

We booked the Audubon Center's back field, which is absolutely gorgeous. I feel all giddy every time we go and see it- the scenery is beautiful and the place itself, the people, everything about it is just so perfect. We also booked the tent rental and (surprise!) there are orange linens involved.

Not that I'm addicted to the color or anything.

Oh come on! It's in October! It's seasonally appropriate.

Okay fine. They probably would have been orange even if it were in June. I can't help it.

I should probably find myself a twelve-step program for this or something.

Also, we recently went and bought the fabric for our dresses with the beautiful and gracious Miss Leah, who's been so generous as to volunteer to custom make them for us. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am about this. The colors of the fabrics are gorgeous- rich chocolate browns and ivories and traces of gold and copper here and there, brocade and shantung and... incidentally, about the shantung; I wonder which side is supposed to be the "front" - the textured side or the shiny side. Because I think it's supposed to be the shiny side, but Gods, I fell so in love with the textured side, so that's the one we're using. >3> Haha! And Kris is going to have a brocade coat with tails! How cool is that? And I have to go shopping online for some bags o' clockwork pieces or something, if I can find them. My goal is to use the clockwork bits as embellishment instead of beading for my dress.

Anyway, we also booked a photographer! His work is absolutely stunning- the grasp of light and motion and timing and composition in his portfolio makes me so excited that he'll be shooting the event. We've got an engagement session booked for early August, and Kris is really excited about it, which was a nice surprise. She usually hates having her picture taken, but this time she's really looking forward to it.

And the best part about all this? I'm very optimistic about staying within our tight budget. And that is a nice feeling indeed.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


I haven't had a lot of time on my hands lately, but I wanted to take a moment to finally post a big, fat, happy HOORAY for NH legalizing gay marriage!

I have never felt so happy, so elated, as when I heard the news that our state had made the decision to change Kris' and my status as second class citizens. What a good way to kick of LGBT Pride Month, right? :D

Kris and I hugged and cried the biggest tears of joy when we heard the news. I felt happy and proud and overwhelmed.

The law won't be in effect in time for our ceremony, but that's okay. It'll make a great one year anniversary gift to ourselves to march over and sign those papers. Or, if we play our cards right, if one of us gets ourselves settled in a situation that we have insurance, maybe it'll even make a nice New Year's celebration. That'd be awesome, wouldn't it? At any rate- it's nice to know that the option is there, finally. It's nice to know that we're on the way to getting our lives into a place where we can face that possibility with a smile and a wink and know that it's real; the possibility is real.